Breakthroughs

Oh Wow, I love it when God shows up.

We've had a rough few weeks with discouragement and frustrations. There seemed to be issues with every single aspect of our lives from school situations and business problems, to health and spiritual blocks. I decided I needed to take action by fasting and praying for breakthroughs. The weight on my shoulders at times was more than I could handle. I serve a big God who can share in my troubles if I would just give them to Him. So I decided to do just that.

Fasting is something I have rarely done. I don't know much about it and tried it before only to realize that I was just starving my flesh. There was not much prayer that coupled the fast. I decided to try it again, this time spending time on my face worshiping and praising God, reading the Word, and praying ALL day. To my shameful surprise, a breakthrough was almost immediate. That afternoon I got a phone call from one of my daughters at school that caused me to wonder if something was just over the horizon. Later that day, I saw a breakthrough in this area. I won't go into detail, but it caused my heart to sing praise to God.

A few days later, there was another breakthrough. A huge burden I had been carrying was lifted and God strengthened me in a way that I was able to work through an issue that had caused me great anxiety. When I seek God with all my might, I give up something that I really want, and I humble myself before the Almighty, great things happen. In other words, I learned that when I get out of the way, then God will move.

Another situation came up that I had not been praying about. You see, God knows our heart's desires and He came to the rescue without me even asking. We have had hospice out to our home for the last few weeks. Our case manager was going to be out of town for 2 weeks and was going to have 2 new nurses come out to fill in for her. When I told Travis about this, he was frustrated and said, "Oh great, two more people to come out and see me as a dead man." I felt his frustration but didn't quite know how to "fix" it.

Travis and I have a wonderful church family here in Ellensburg, and we also have a special draw to the Bethel church in Redding, Ca. We often play their worship music in our home or listen to Bill Johnson and the other associate pastors of Bethel on iBethel.com. On this particular day of having two new nurses, we were playing one of their brand new worship CD's. After they arrived and we all introduced ourselves, one of the nurses, Kirsten, said, "Oh, this sounds like Kim Walker." I looked at her stunned and said, "How did you know that?" I mean, who really knows the name of one member of a worship team in another state? It's not like this is a well known band so I was shocked. Come to find out, both nurses are familiar with Bethel and the worship team and even more shocking is that the church of the other nurse, Cathy, is trying to get Kim Walker to come to Ellensburg. Oh my word!!!!

So that opened the door for an amazing discussion of where we are at spiritually. Both nurses are agreeing with us that Travis IS healed and we are waiting for a physical manifestation of that healing. Today was their second visit and we just enjoyed each other's company and talked about how amazing God is. I love it. Travis is elated. He has a permanent smile on his face as we marvel at the hand of God.

I would like to share some of the revelations that God has given to Travis. Because of a lack of time today, I'll have to share that later. But this one thing is for sure: God is good!

A Good Week

I try to post mostly facts about what's going on but I know that I also mix in my opinion and feelings. That can skew a perspective especially if I post every time I'm frustrated or discouraged. I'm sorry about that. I need to consciously post the good things too.

Travis has had a good week. We ordered a conference from the Bethel Church in Redding, Ca. (a healing conference) and have been watching it live every day since Wednesday. Travis has been built up in the Lord and has had a joyfulness about him. We've had company several times this week and he joyfully received them. The atmosphere has changed dramatically. He has gone 4 days without his breathing machine b/c he said he didn't feel like he needed it. His breathing has seemed consistently stable this week, which is great and hard to explain. ha. That's a good thing.

The Machine and Hospice

Travis' eye gazing machine is set up but it has been a challenge to get the eyes configured to the screen. It takes a lot of concentration and eye movement so Travis' eyes tire out fairly quickly. They say that the more he uses it, the stronger his eyes will get. He really has no interest in using it and hasn't done anything on it to communicate his thoughts. I've set it up to the Internet so he can go on and check his email or even email people. Eventually, I hope to get the remote controls for the tv set up on it so he can change the channel, adjust the volume, etc. This machine can be programed to open doors, turn the lights on and off, adjust his bed, make phone calls... It's amazing.

After receiving the eye gazing machine, (which, by the way, came with a rolling mount) the nurse sent in the referral to hospice. They came out this past Monday to get acquainted with us and to see what Travis might need as far as equipment (small things like a mattress pad, neck brace, sheets... etc.) They will be visiting twice a week for monitoring and they also have a person to help with bathing. Although I have never lifted his full weight, it is still very hard to pull him into different positions and support him while he tries to take a few steps. The extra help will be nice.

Travis hasn't done well with hospice coming out. He seems to be giving up and has requested to have no visitors and is giving his clothing away. I've never seen him this way and it breaks my heart to a million pieces. His desire to go home to be with the Lord is quite strong. But as long as he has breath in this life, he has purpose and the ability to change the lives of the people around him. I don't want him to give up on living, but I understand the desire to want to get out of the painful body that no longer works for him. I can't imagine living with such pain and frustration.

Thanks But No Thanks.... for now.

A small crash course in what hospice really is... That's what I had today. Much needed information to say thanks but no thanks. We need to wait.

Apparently you have to have all the "big ticket" items first before you sign up under their care. Like the power chair, eye gazing machine... etc. We have the best kind of powered chair on loan from the ALS Association. It's used but we wonder if we should we get one tailored for Travis. That's a HUGE expense. The eye gazing machine is on it's way and should be here within a day or two but I don't think the mount was ordered. We MUST have a mount for the chair or he can't use the machine. It doesn't make sense that the machine would be ordered without a mount. GRRRR..... Obviously, a person ordering an eye gazing machine CAN"T USE THEIR HANDS!!!!!! Thus the EYE GAZING!!!!!!!! Thus a MOUNT is NEEDED!!!!!! (I yelled those words with all caps in case you were wondering.)

If we sign up for hospice now, they deal exclusively with the insurance company and the insurance allots so much money for the patient. They don't cover the big ticket items b/c their care is to only make the patient comfortable and not to help them "live" with a terminal illness. We can't run anything through the insurance company b/c hospice would have control. We're not ready for that. We still have one or two more big ticket items that Travis must have but that we can't afford to pay out of pocket. So, we wait.

The trip to the neurologist's didn't render good news. Travis' breathing has decline another 20% in just 3 months. His breathing capacity, in a sitting position is now at 27% meaning that his body is dipping into the reserve air in the bottom chamber of his lungs. The respiratory therapist was quite alarmed and made a few calls to get us an A-VAP machine. That was our Christmas miracle. This machine uses the same face mask but is highly sensitive to Travis' intake and output of air. It also has a smart card so I can mail in the card, they can change the settings if we need it, and then send it back. I insert the card and the changes are automatically done.

We also talked about the "H" word. The doctor thought it would be a good idea to get hospice set up to come out once or twice a week for bathing and to check up on him. Their services are much needed at this point.

In fact, our Christmas day was spent trying to figure out if we should take Travis to the ER or not. Since we don't have a primary care physician here in our own town, there was no one to call but the hospital in Seattle. The on-call doctor said she would try to expedite the hospice care to our home so maybe on Monday they can come out. She suggested that we not take him to the ER if we absolutely don't have to b/c they may want to put him on a ventilator. That would be really bad b/c ALS patients rarely get off a ventilator once they're on it. Then he would have to get a tracheotomy and would have to rely on mechanical breathing for the rest of his life.

(The reason he was so sick was b/c he had the symptoms of a cold. He was choking on mucus and couldn't breath very well. I gave him cold meds on top of what he was already taking and his body rejected everything, making him very sick to his stomach. He couldn't keep anything down and we were afraid he would choke or become dehydrated. But he did fine through the night and today he is doing very well.)

I don't know how to balance everything. All the meds, machines, and caregiving are overwhelming and I found out yesterday that my care for him isn't enough.

His recent decline has brought us to another level. Once I think we have a good routine, the foundation shakes and we must start over with something new. It's exhausting and frightening, it's hard to find the peace of God in all this chaos.

The Dreaded Word

Oh, the dreaded word. I have avoided this word like the plague because to me, it represents death. The word is whispered in conversation, carefully mentioned as if it would provoke the very thing it represents.

Hospice.

Have you ever seen the movie, "The Village"? The color red is not only taboo but it is feared. Red is the color the beast wears that may take their lives lest anyone is found with that color. Any flower displaying that color is to be picked and destroyed. It is feared. The beast is feared.

That's how I feel about hospice. To me, it is the color red. When a person is about to die at home, hospice is called in. I don't know anything else about it except that a nurse comes out to help with pain and caregiving. And also like the movie, I'm sure there's so much more to it than I know. We'll find out this Wednesday b/c that will be one of the main topics discussed with the many doctors we will see.

My hope is that I'm completely wrong. My preconceived ideas should never determine my steps, but sadly, at times, they do. I'm open to learn more, I think Travis is, but I'm not sure b/c he avoids the word as much as I do.

Update on Travis

Travis said he has noticed a change in his breathing this past week. I've noticed it too b/c I see him concentrating on just getting some air. He coughs alot, I think it's the thick saliva that gets caught in the back of his throat, and he yawns a lot which is a sign he's not getting enough air. His breathing machine doesn't last long b/c it doesn't have the "cough-assist" feature, so I have to remove it for him to cough.

We have an appointment coming up on the 23rd with the neurologist. I don't know of anything he can do for us except get a better, high-tech breathing machine with the "cough-assist". I know Travis wouldn't want to get a tracheotomy to assist his breathing. But if the portable machines aren't working, there would be no other alternative.

I say "no other alternatives" and I mean no other alternatives that the doctors could give us, we aren't giving up on a manifested healing.

The physical symptoms are overwhelming and try to steal our faith. People look at Travis and see him as good as gone. He hates that. Travis is not gone and doesn't want pity. He wants encouragement in the Lord. He doesn't want tears shed, he wants people to rejoice b/c God is good and His Word stands true! Sometimes, the adversary wins a battle but he will not win the war. He has LOST! Travis is fighting the hardest battle of his life with faith and belief and how can you lose with that?

Picking Our Tree

There aren't many things that smell better than a fresh Christmas tree. I love picking our tree. Short of trekking into a forest and cutting our own, this is the next best thing.
Now that we have a wheelchair accessible van, Travis can go places with us without having to leave his chair. And in case you're wondering who that woman is, I changed my hair color. Yikes!!


The kids are ready and armed with candy canes.

Tristan likes to take rides with his dad. They took off in the parking lot, going the max speed of 8 miles per hour and I was freaking out b/c I really thought they both needed a helmet!! Not to mention blinkers or a horn or something!

Oh joy, we found our tree and it is illuminated by a heavenly light. Yes, that's what we look for in a tree, a bright light that says, "This is the one for you!"

The Radio Tower Trip

A couple of friends from church called and wanted to take Travis up to the radio tower just outside of Ellensburg. We had to go slow b/c the road was so rocky and Travis' neck is very weak. Roundtrip, it took us a little over 5 hours but the 360 degree view was worth the ride.

Here is Travis with Sean and Dale. They took great care of Travis on this trip and Sean said the most beautiful prayer for Travis once we got to the top.

Both Sean and Dale ride motorcycles in these remote mountains so they were familiar with all the backroads. This trip was a blessing in that we marveled at the glory of God in his creation.

Tristan's Birthday Pics

I know I said that I would post more of Travis' birthday, and I will, but first here are some updated pics of Tristan's birthday. He turned 6 in October.

Here is Tristan with his dad. How does time go so fast?

Tristan, in the middle, with two of his best friends, Espyn and Gavin.

My mother-in-law made the cake and Savannah helped decorate it.

I found this cake in a Family Fun magazine many years ago and thought it would be a fun one to make. Savannah and Sheila did a great job!! The pirates are Playmobile, and the sails are made of shish-ka-bob sticks and construction paper.

LATE Birthday Pictures

I'm posting some really late birthday pics from Travis's birthday party in August. I have 2 different sets of pictures both on separate computers so I'll post those separately. Thank you Matt and Cory for sending me pictures!!!


Travis turned 37 on August the 2nd and we had a wonderful birthday party for him. We had a lot of friends travel from the westside of the mountains and different parts of the state, and some that even flew in from Tennessee. What a blessed gathering!


The girls both wanted to do something very special for their dad. Hannah made a cork board with random pictures of our family over the years so that he could hang it up in his office or bedroom and remember all the good times we've had over the years.

Travis loved his gift and was quite emotional by the thought that went into her surprise.

Savannah also had a great idea. She wanted to make t-shirts for the family to wear. On the front of the shirt it had the scripture John 10:10. I don't have a picture of the back of the shirt. I wish I did. I'll take one and try to post it later. She said, "Mom, I want ALS to stand for something different. The L should stand for Life and the S should stand for Spirit." After much thought, she came up with Abundant Life in the Spirit. That's what we had on the back of our shirts. During the party, we all left to put on our shirts and then we all came out at the same time and presented Travis with his shirt. Here is Savannah reading John 10:10 to her dad. It reads, "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." Travis also loved this gift very much!

Travis with his mom and dad.
My honey and me.
Shawn and Kati (Travis and Shawn went to law school together.)
Travis, Ted, Matt and Joey all went to jr. high and high school together.

Travis, his mom and Aunt Kathy, who flew up from Tennessee and surprised Travis. She also brought a quilt from all the aunts and uncles from Tennessee made with fabric pieces from his grandmother's night gowns. VERY sentimental!!!

I'll go out to the other computer and try to post more pics. Not sure when I'll have time, but will try to do that soon.

Treatment Starting Tomorrow, Lord Willing

The Live Cell Therapy was supposed to begin on Monday but the clinic called after we were on the road to reschedule for Tuesday. But on Tuesday the clinic called again and said they didn't want Travis to come in at all b/c there had been some employees out sick with a virus. So guess what! They mailed the treatment to my house and one of the nurses is going to "walk me through the process" over the phone. I'll certainly listen to what she has to say but I have a friend coming over to help me in person. Thank the Lord!

I have to admit though that I actually feel more at peace with this decision than us driving 2 hours there and 2 hours back for the treatment. Even though we have a new wheelchair accessible van, the trip is very hard on Travis. By the end of the day, he would have been completely exhausted.

I mentioned my anxiety of giving the shots to one of my friends and she is hooking me up with a mutual nurse/friend who is hopefully going to come out tomorrow to teach me how to give the injections. I can't express the relief and gladness I feel about that.

It's kind of weird b/c I don't really know a whole lot about this type of treatment. I've researched on the Internet but what I have read is over my head. The viles of liquid the clinic sent includes these tissues from a fetal pig:

placenta
spinal/nerves
brain
hypothalamus
thymus
kidney
adrenal
liver

Travis is a genius! He can read that stuff and fully comprehend what it's all about. The problem is that he can't communicate that with me in simple terms. All I know is that this is like having a cell transplant, and I'm fine with that as long as Travis is comfortable with these injections.

I guess we'll get started on this tomorrow and I'll let you know how it goes.

Oh Glorious Dreams!!!

It's not often that 2 people share a dream... on the same night.

I've never dreamt that Travis received a miraculous healing until about one month ago. I mean, I've dreamed that he was normal and walking around, but never that he was sick and was healed in front of my eyes.

I dreamed we were at some sort of park, around a lot of people we didn't know. Travis was sitting and decided to go to the bathroom but instead of wheeling himself there, he jumped up and started running. In fact, he was running so fast that he bumped into a wall, bounced off and kept running. I looked around to see if anyone else saw that and wondered to myself if people would think I was lying about him being so sick. But no one even knew he was healed, they didn't understand the magnitude of the miracle that just took place. I realized my feelings were irrational and marvelled at Travis running around. My parents saw him running around and we all threw our hands in the air and began praising God and worshipping Him. That's when I woke up.

Of course in the morning I was so excited about what I dreamed I peeked over at Travis to see if he was awake yet and sure enough he was. I said, "Travis, I had a dream that you were miraculously healed." He whispered back, "Me too!" I said, "In my dream you were healed in front of a large crowd of people and they didn't understand the miracle of what happened." By this time his eyes were big and again he whispered, "Me too!" So I added, "In my dream you were running around and we started praising God." Again, he said in a stunned voice, "Me too!!!" Travis said that at the end of his dream, he told God, "It's time to start loving tenaciously."

I love it when that happens. There have been many occasions when something wild like this happens and it just confirms that God hears our prayers and loves us more than we can know! I look for God everywhere! And you know what? He's there.

Great news!!

We had an environmental specialist out to our house today to test for VOC's (volatile organic compounds) and his test for that came out clean. Not only clean, but the tester showed the number 0!! That is NO VOC's at all!!

We are praising God and thanking him for answered prayer. Especially considering that the first test we ever had 18 months ago was off the charts high in VOC's. WOW!! Since that test, we anointed the four corners of our property with oil and prayed for a canopy of protection. This house was cleansed and healed by the power of God.

We are believing that Travis's body will come into alignment with the spirit. Satan is a liar and can not have Travis b/c he is covered by the blood of Jesus! This disease is a mockery of our Lord and by the stripes of Jesus, Travis IS healed. Jesus is the Truth and every word He said is True. We are standing on his Word, the promises of God, that we are saved, healed and delivered through the power of Jesus! Praise his Holy Name, I am excited!!

Live Cell Therapy to Begin Soon.....

I've been absolutely terrible about keeping our updates current.

Last night, Randy (my father-in-law) brought home our brand new wheelchair accessible van. My dad found it in Lubbock, TX and my f-i-l flew down, picked it up for us, and drove it home. I'll try to post a picture soon. Now Travis can get out of the house. He's been house bound for quite some time now. It's been too difficult to try to move him out of his wheelchair and into a car. Now he can drive his chair into the van, I hook him up and he's ready to go. He never has to leave the chair. Praise God!!!

Also, next Monday, Travis is beginning a new treatment with live cell therapy. These will be injected by yours truly into the hip area 3 to 4 times a week. I'm feeling a little queezy about these shots b/c the needle is going to be about 3 times longer than the B shots I currently give him. I would like to try to find someone who can do this for me b/c I tend to get clammy and my whole body shakes with nervousness. I think Travis would want me to find someone else.

This therapy is very expensive (around $5,000) and it's ordered out of France. The injections are live cells from fetal pigs. It's kind of like having a cell transplant. There's no evidence that this treatment is a cure but it could decrease the progression of the disease. So far, nothing that we have tried has worked at slowing this disease down. As one doctor put it, it's like a wildfire that is out of control and though we can't put out the fire we might can get it to keep from spreading. So far, that hasn't happened but we are hoping this will help.

I have a lot of pictures I would like to share but I haven't had time to post anything. I'll try to do that soon.

God bless.......